an ideal spoonful of mac and cheese

i’m pretty sure my little brother and sister love me mostly for my mean macaroni and cheese.

on some level (or perhaps many levels), i guess that’s kind of pathetic.  but really, while i would never make claims to any great culinary gifts, making the perfect pot of kraft mac & cheese is not so easy — something we rarely acknowledge, but might have deduced by the fact that “easy mac” is an entirely separate product.  no, the ideal batch of kraft mac & cheese is no instant matter, no guaranteed success.  i don’t know if i would go so far as to call it “art,” but the penultimate product requires a delicate touch.  the results, of course, are totally worth it: piping hot al dente noodles drenched in a buttery artificial cheese sauce, slippery but hardly soupy, and more MSG than seems quite legal or fair.  only have $3 to ration for dinner for the next five years or so?  here are the secrets to perfect mac & cheese:

1) seriously, buy the stovetop version.  easy mac is pretty gross.  i mean it’s basically made for latchkey kids in the fourth grade who can’t be trusted to turn on the oven…you are better than that!

2) watch the noodles closely as they boil.  don’t go over 7 1/2 min.  if you do, they get bloated and kinda gross

3) use a little more butter than you’re supposed to, and mix it well over all of the noodles before you add any other ingredients.

4) use the exact amount of milk required (1/4 cup).  add this next.

5) when adding the artificial cheese dust: MIX IT WELL!!  nothing is less appetizing than weird kernels of dry chemically dehydrated “cheese” appearing out of nowhere on the back of your fork.

that’s pretty much it.  i’m not really sure how other people manage to fail so badly at doing this correctly, and yet, so often, they do.  enjoy your cheapskate comfort food!

-b