These are the original notes for the magazine:
“Things”:
-Fry it Grrrl
-Coffee is a silent lover
- Peach: (image of peach) Butt: (image of butt)
-Beth talks about crackers
-Beth talks about italian wedding soup from a feminist perspective
- Pear drawing
- Food photography
- I’ve crossed “brioceans” of time to meet you
- Spout photoessay
- Doing the spout dance (diagram)
- Diana: essay on being in tkitchen is empowering because man is on toilet and you can kill the murderers with the knives*
Recipes:
- Croque Madame
- Macaroons: a step by step guide to cooking macaroons/ raising children:**
- - - > preheat oven/ reach puberty
- - - > trace circles on parchment paper/ prepare baby room
- - - > pipe into circles/ formation of blastula
- - - > watch for legs to form
-Beth writes something full of feeling about grilled cheese/ mac and cheese
- Instructions for viscous hot chocolate
- over easy eggs on an english muffin
- big muff?
- apple butter stack cake
- Diana: diagram of proper sandwich assembly:
1 bread
2 mayo
3 tomato
4 cheese
5 meat
6 mustard
7 bread
- Vino del armaddio
- Essay on french press
- the joy sublime art of pudding
- Emily: romantic interpretation of all methods of coffee brewing
* appears in table of contents but not actual magazine
** macaroon in the womb
an ideal spoonful of mac and cheese
i’m pretty sure my little brother and sister love me mostly for my mean macaroni and cheese.
on some level (or perhaps many levels), i guess that’s kind of pathetic. but really, while i would never make claims to any great culinary gifts, making the perfect pot of kraft mac & cheese is not so easy — something we rarely acknowledge, but might have deduced by the fact that “easy mac” is an entirely separate product. no, the ideal batch of kraft mac & cheese is no instant matter, no guaranteed success. i don’t know if i would go so far as to call it “art,” but the penultimate product requires a delicate touch. the results, of course, are totally worth it: piping hot al dente noodles drenched in a buttery artificial cheese sauce, slippery but hardly soupy, and more MSG than seems quite legal or fair. only have $3 to ration for dinner for the next five years or so? here are the secrets to perfect mac & cheese:
1) seriously, buy the stovetop version. easy mac is pretty gross. i mean it’s basically made for latchkey kids in the fourth grade who can’t be trusted to turn on the oven…you are better than that!
2) watch the noodles closely as they boil. don’t go over 7 1/2 min. if you do, they get bloated and kinda gross
3) use a little more butter than you’re supposed to, and mix it well over all of the noodles before you add any other ingredients.
4) use the exact amount of milk required (1/4 cup). add this next.
5) when adding the artificial cheese dust: MIX IT WELL!! nothing is less appetizing than weird kernels of dry chemically dehydrated “cheese” appearing out of nowhere on the back of your fork.
that’s pretty much it. i’m not really sure how other people manage to fail so badly at doing this correctly, and yet, so often, they do. enjoy your cheapskate comfort food!
-b
While making milkshakes, I appropriately began to sing that “Milkshakes” song. I then proceeded to ask Barry “Barry, do you like my milkshakes?” to which he replied, “Diana, that’s obscene.” They were, in fact, delicious milkshakes.
To Make Milkshakes:
use one ounce of milk per scoop of ice cream
just a couple of seconds with the blender for best consistency
eat with spoon
eat it